Do you have a bad relationship with your mom and think she could be narcissistic? Find out if that’s the case with this quiz.
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a self-centered type of personality. It is characterized by extreme preoccupation with self-involvement and own needs. It is usually a personality trait, but sometimes it can be a part of a personality disorder. Narcissism is not good or bad in itself. It becomes problematic when it causes harm to the individual or others around them.
We first find out about narcissism from the Roman poet Ovid who tells a story about Narcissus. Narcissus was a handsome young man punished by the gods for rejecting women. Gods punished him by making him fall in love with his reflection which could never love him back. In the early 1900s, narcissism began to be defined in psychological terms.
According to this 2018 research article, there are two broad categories that narcissists fall into, grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. The grandiose type is characterized by aggression and exaggeration of their importance. These people tend to be elitists and love to brag about themselves. On the other hand, vulnerable narcissism is much more sensitive. People who fall under this term shift between feeling inferior and superior to others. In addition, they get offended if others don’t give them special treatment.
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Having a Narcissistic Mother Can Change Us
Children raised by narcissistic mothers often hold back their deepest needs and emotions. They understand that their needs come second to their mother’s and this allows them to maintain emotional stability at home. Refraining from expressing their emotions and enduring constant criticism frequently leads to low self-worth.
Secondly, being raised by someone whose needs come first can lead to children developing codependency. It forms unhealthy boundaries with their mother, as well as future partners. These children often have no sense of their needs and this leads to people-pleasing tendencies in the future.
Signs Of a Narcissistic Mother
Children raised by a narcissistic mother have a hard time grasping what a loving and supporting mother looks like. Narcissists are self-absorbed and the world revolves around them. That includes their children. There are several ways of finding out if your mom is narcissistic or not. We recommend taking an online quiz like the one we have here or looking at some of the most common signs of a narcissistic mother.
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She Compares Her Children To Their Peers
Narcissistic mothers tend to compare their children to one another and their peers. It can be done by shaming or inducing guilt in her children to get control over them. Children raised by such a parent quickly develop a severe lack of self-worth.
She Has a Golden Child
If she has multiple children, she often has a golden child. That child can do no wrong and is praised for the smallest things. On the other hand, her least favorite child is a scapegoat who’s blamed for everything.
She Expects Praise For Being a Mother
Being a mother isn’t easy, but expecting praise for making food for her children is a major red flag. If your mom plays a victim who nobody appreciates while she does “everything”, there’s a good chance she’s narcissistic.
She Lives Through Her Children
Narcissism is all about intense self-centeredness. Narcissistic mothers try to live out their failed dreams through their children. They force them to do specific sports or hobbies that they failed in.
She Doesn’t Care How Her Behavior Affects Others
People with narcissism repeatedly use other people to satisfy their needs with no regard for how that affects them. She often bends rules as she sees fit and is no stranger to lying to someone. Lastly, she picks her friends based on what they can potentially offer.
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How To Deal With a Narcissistic Mother?
Children aren’t able to spot narcissistic behavior growing up. Adult children are much better at that and find engaging with narcissistic mothers incredibly taxing. There are some ways you can deal with her more easily.
Changing a narcissist is almost impossible. It requires self-awareness which they generally lack. If you try to change your mother into a more sensitive person, there’s a good chance you will fail. Such attempts only lead to more frustration and pain.
Next, set boundaries and communicate them to your mother. You must stand your ground and follow through if she tries to cross them. Adult children need to show that their boundaries are non-negotiable. In some cases, you will have to cut the contact with your narcissistic mother entirely.
If these tips don’t work for you, consider getting professional support. Individual, or group therapy will help you learn how to confront your mother, as well as to process and come to peace with the past.
Meet Elisabeth, a versatile quiz author who delves into personality traits, human connections, and the exciting world of entertainment. With a background in psychology, Elisabeth designs quizzes that uncover your inner self, shedding light on your unique personality and relationships. Additionally, she explores the captivating landscapes of movies, music, and pop culture in her entertaining quizzes. Whether you're on a quest for self-discovery, relationship insights, or a dose of pop culture fun, Elisabeth's quizzes are your go-to source.